Free time...what's that again?

Since Trent has been gone so much these past few weeks working on the musical, and now the musical is over (Hallelujah!) he decided to take the boys to McDonald's for dinner - the one with the play place and then to the planetarium. It is just shy of 6pm and Hailey just went to bed. She is still not feeling one hundred percent herself, hence the earlier than normal bedtime.

Since all these things have happened, I figure I have about two hours of "me" time. As most Mom's know this is a pretty rare occurrence. In fact it boggles my mind and I find it very hard to focus time on me. There is so much other stuff that needs to be done around here I feel like I can't have that time until everything and everyone else has been taken care of. Don't get me wrong, there is stuff I want to do. I just got a box (yes, a box) of photos from Shutterfly that need to be sorted. Then there is the last box (yes, BOX) sitting on my desk that STILL hasn't been sorted. I am so behind in my scrapbooks that thinking about it makes my stomach hurt a little. I want to go on the treadmill because looking at myself in the photos in those boxes makes my stomach hurt a lot! I want to download some new music for my ipod so I can get motivated to stay on the treadmill. I want to start on the photobook of Hailey's birthday that Shutterfly is giving me for free because I am such a great customer (obviously). I want to sit at the computer and read other people's blogs and visit photography sites to get some cool photo ideas. All these things to do with my free time.

What stops any of this from getting done is everyday life. There are dishes in the sink. Hailey's high chair tray and seat are a disaster. Our cleaning lady was just here YESTERDAY and the house already literally looks like it was hit by a tornado. I need to collect the trash since it goes out tomorrow. I have laundry to fold and more to do. School papers to fill out and sign. It never ends. I just don't feel right if Trent and the boys come home and the house looks as bad as when they left. I know they wouldn't care one bit, but it would just eat away at me. I know every parenting book and magazine always say that as mom we HAVE to take time to recharge and everyone will be better for it. It is hard for me to do. Writing helps me - it helps me to organize all the ideas and thoughts running crazy in my head. It gives me a center and something concrete to focus on. It is so quiet here right now. Even the quiet can help so much to invigorate the tired "momcells" that I have used up all day. Ok, so I will just pick up the living room then maybe I can get to those boxes of pictures. Inevitably, photos of the kids will make me start missing them and watching the clock for when they will be home.

Free time...I will have so much of it in seventeen years I won't know what to do with myself.