Trapped in my phone...

Since I got a phone upgrade yesterday, I was playing around a bit today and found these little gems that I had "written down" in my phone notes for posterity.  Some of them were years ago, but they take me right back and make me laugh.


4/20/13

In no less than five minutes after arriving at our room at the Soaring Eagle...

Hailey: Check for bed bugs.

Evan: This place is fancy.  There are no bed bugs at a fancy hotel like this.  Some people bring like 500 dollars and all their hopes!


7/17/13

Hailey after tasting spinach dip...

Hailey: It tastes like fish....and soap.



8/1/13

On our UP vacay...

Dad: We are going to stop at a place where Monk's live and bake bread.

Hailey:  Are they human?



9/2/13

Playing Apples to Apples.  The topic is slimy.  Spencer puts down treasure.  Evan is the judge.

Evan to Spencer:  It's sliiimmmy not shhhiiiiiinnny.  With his "accent" both words sounding exactly the same.



11/27/13

Thanksgiving topics...

Evan to Dad:  If the Mayflower wasn't so rough I think you would have liked it.   All they could drink was beer.



9/2/15

A walk through the woods....

Evan to Hailey:  Since Spencer and I are the hunters of the family maybe you should be a trapper.

Hailey:  And like TRAP things????  How do you think I would have the guts to do that when I cried so hard when there was a little bit of blood on the ball we were throwing to Goldie?

This will always make me smile.

While purging and digging through stuff for our garage sale, I came across these playing cards that were once given to Evan.

 

 

My heart about melted when I remembered how he used to ask us with his "accent" if we wanted to play "Go Fidey".  There was also a deck we could use if we wanted to play "Fidey Eights" - which is an awful lot like Crazy Eights. 

I am not even kidding when I say those days seem like yesterday. 

Funny kid

I made a recipe for dinner last night that called for evaporated milk.  Evan spotted the can sitting next to the sink waiting for someone to recycle it.  

Evan:  Evaporated milk!?!  So what is that?  An empty can that used to have milk in it? 

 

 

That kid is something else I tell ya!

Note

I had to take my mom into the hospital very early this morning for an out patient procedure.  I left a note on the counter telling the kids that their lunch boxes and water bottles were in the fridge and to have a great day and I will see them all after school. 

 

I got home and found a return note that made my day.

 

I know it is probably hard to read.  The top little writing say Thank you Mom - love you - Spencer.

Then Hailey and Evan divided the paper in two parts for their notes.  Evan's said Thank you for the lunches.  I made a waffle. E

Hailey's says Me and Evan love you so much - I do not like candy any more - I do not have time.

I cracked up at Hailey's "I do not like candy any more" she is all worked up because she has to go to the dentist and get a filling done tomorrow after school.  Every time this happens she always swears off candy.  Obviously it doesn't stay out of her mouth for long.

Funny girl

Me:  Hailey, I have a surprise for you.

Hailey:  If it's clothes, I am not interested.  (Not said in a snotty way - just very matter of fact.)

If only she would stay not interested in clothes throughout her teenage years.  We might even be able to afford to send her to college!

8 ball

The other day as I was running errands with Hailey, she was playing with this eight ball toy that came from a drive thru kids meal.   She would keep asking it questions in correct eight ball form and then spelling out the response and asking me what it told her.

 

She asked it if she was pretty. She asked it if she was smart.  She asked it if she was nice.  She asked it just about everything she could think of and the answer was always the opposite of what she wanted to hear.  No.  Not likely.  Maybe.  The eight ball never once gave her a positive response.

She told me that the eight ball didn't like her and it only told her mean stuff.   I tried to explain to her that the eight ball didn't really know any of the answers to her questions, that it just randomly selected an answer and since it was from a drive thru it might not even work correctly.  When she wasn't really buying that answer I told her maybe it was just in a bad mood and that's why it was being so mean to her.   To which she responded - "Yeah, I think there is a brother in there!"

Brutally honest

One of the best and (sometimes worst) things about kids is their complete honesty.  I had another example of that today.

I brought my newly purchased Goodwill side table in from the garage and set it up in the spot where I knew I wanted to put it.  It is stained wood and nicked up, but nothing a little TLC can't fix and I am super excited about it.   Six dollars.  You just can't go wrong.  When I set it in place Evan turned away from his Wii game and said "That looks good!"  I told him I agreed and then asked him if he thought I should paint it reliable black or go a little wild with a burnt orange or a muted red or something.   "Do what you want," he replied.  "I am not really into this conversation anymore."  At least he didn't just ignore me.

Another much less flattering example happened a few days before school got out for the boys.  Hailey and I were walking home from a trip to the beach and one of our neighbors drove by in a convertible and waved out the window.  I waved back and Hailey asked me who I was waving to.  I told her it was her "big girl" friend Casey's mom. 

Hailey: She looks cool in that cool car doesn't she?

Me:  Yeah, I said she does look cool.  Then I started signing to the tune of "Stacy's Mom" by Fountains of Wayne - "Casey's mom has got it going on..."

She thought that song was about the best thing she ever heard so I started singing again but this time I changed the words to "Hailey's mom has got it going on"

Then Hailey joined in the singing with her own version:  "Hailey's mom has got to go on a diet!"

See what I mean?  Brutal honesty.  She is lucky I didn't drop her off at Casey's house to live.

Time for more hobbies?

Hailey and I are both suffering from nasty colds. Today as I was sitting in the lazy boy anxiously awaiting nap time, she came over and plopped into my lap. I told her when she was a little baby we sometimes would both fall asleep in that chair after I nursed her. She loves to hear about when she was a baby, but is always adamant about how she is a big girl now. I told her that she was so big I could hardly believe it.

Mom: Is my tiny baby five years old already?

Hailey: YES!!!

Mom: Are you going to go to Kindergarten next year?

Hailey: YES!!!

Mom: Are you going to eat lunch at school next year?

Hailey: YES!!!

Mom: Are you going to miss your mommy?

Hailey: Probably a little. Are you going to miss me?

Mom: Tons! I don't know what I am going to do without you. I am going to be so bored!

Hailey: You can call Grama and see if she wants to meet you at the Sports Page!!!

Silly sayings

Hailey: I don't ever want to go to Disneyworld because there are three things there that don't show their real heads - Mickey Mouse, Dora and that Duck! (She has an intense fear of costumes where she can't see a human face)

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Hailey: Brother stole my boyfriends! I have two boyfriends - DJ and I don't remember the name of the other one.

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The night we were filling our baskets to "boo" neighbors and discussing who we were going to "boo".

Hailey: Let's boo the cousins.

Mom: Maybe the cousins, but it's better to boo little kids because they are more excited about the spider rings and Halloween erasers.

Evan: Unless we put a World War 2 book in it. Then they might like it.

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Hailey: Are Lord and God friends?

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Hailey: I wish you were my Grama so the other Grama could be my mom.

Mom: What other Grama?

Hailey: Bonnus!

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While we were walking down a hill.

Hailey: My legs want to walk so fast.

Mom: That's gravity pulling you down.

Hailey: Doesn't gravity sound kind of like Uncle Richie's friend?

Mom: (laughing) Yes, gravity does sound kind of like Rafferty.

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Hailey sad about the fact that she won't have Mrs. Marchese for a teacher again next year.

Mom: Whoever you get for a kindergarten teacher will be nice.

Evan: Yeah. There are some teachers who blow whistles and hit your desk with rulers, but not in our school. All of our teachers are nice.

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Hailey calls commercials "channels".

Hailey: I saw that dollhouse on a channel before and I love it!

Hailey: We will play the game again when a channel comes on.

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Hailey: Don't fall off that skateboard Mom. You might crack your head open.

Mom: Then you would have to call the doctor.

Hailey: I can't call the doctor!

Mom: Then you would have to call Daddy and tell him to call the doctor.

Hailey: I can't call Daddy! I can't call anyone! I can only text!

Time to purge the Post-its.

I have so many things I feel like I need to post about. A whirlwind trip to Chicago. An early summer visit to the cabin which involved an Evan photo shoot. A potentially championship winning baseball season and of course general summer awesomeness.

But I am overwhelmed. So for now I am clearing some papers from my desk and posting some of Hailey's greatest quips from the last few months.

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Bringing in her Belle doll for school show and tell -

Mom: What are you going to tell your class about Belle?

Hailey: That she used to be Belle but she is not Belle anymore. Now she is a new girl named Hodel.

She was a bit confused that the girl student that played "Belle" in last year's musical Beauty and the Beast was now playing "Hodel" in Fiddler on the Roof.

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To understand this, you have to realize that the way they signal for the Cub Scouts to be quiet is to hold their arm up in the air with two fingers raised to form a "v". When the Scouts see this they do the same and know to pay attention.

We were in the car listening to the Kid's Bop CD and I was singing along.

Hailey: Mom! Be quiet! Stop singing!

Mom keeps on singing.

Hailey: Mom? Do you see my hand in the mirror?

I look into the rear view and see her arm raised and hand making the scout signal.

Hailey: That means for you to BE QUIET!

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Lately in church Hailey doesn't want to go to Sunday school with the big kids. She wants to sit in the under three nursery with the babies.

Mom: What did you learn in church tonight? Or didn't you learn anything because you played with the babies instead of going to big kid church?

Hailey: I learned something!

Mom: What did you learn?

Hailey: I learned that you have to be careful with babies!

I hope she didn't learn that the hard way!

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The evening after a night time thunderstorm -

Hailey: Mom? Is God gonna bowl tonight?

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Hailey: Are robbers nocturnal?

Mom: Are what nocturnal?

Hailey: Robbers?

Mom: Robbers are just regular people. But naughty people.

Hailey: Then why do they come out mostly at night?

Evan: Because it's way easier to steal stuff in the dark!!!!

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Hailey: Are we going to go to a well soon?

Mom: A what?

Hailey: A well. You know where your dreams come true?

Mom: Oh, you mean like a wishing well.

Hailey: Yeah. When are we going to go to a wishing well?

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We took the kids to a community theatre production of Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat. Ever since Hailey has been obsessed with it. While going through VHS tapes for our garage sale I found a version of it starring Donny Osmond and a Veggie Tales version called The Ballad of Little Joe.

Hailey: I want to watch Joseph. Not the pickle Joseph but the real guy.

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The comments that gave me the final push to join a gym.

Hailey: Mom is there a baby in your belly? Cause your belly is really fat.

While watching a video of Hailey's class that her teacher made.

Mom: See if you can find your fat lump of a Mama in the show.

Spencer: You're not fat Mom!

Hailey: Yes she is!

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Mom: Come here I need to put bug spray on you.

Hailey: Why?

Mom: So the mosquito's don't get you.

Hailey: Can you put coyote spray on me too so coyotes don't get me?

Wisdom from the Wee Wee Bug

Today at the store when I let her pick out some ice cream:


Mom: Do you want Chocolate? Mint Chip? Oreo kind? Which?


Hailey: The "hooray" kind.


Mom: The what kind?


Hailey: The "hooray" kind - you know with the confetti in it!


Mom: Candy Confetti? Why is that the "hooray" kind?


Hailey: Because that is what you say when you throw confetti!

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When I was walking out the door to take the boys to the Mother-Son night hockey game:


Hailey: Mom! Mom! I need a hug!


As I leaned down to give her a hug she said "Don't ever leave a hug behind"!

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While playing on my bed one morning:

Hailey: Mom! Get me off the floor! There are fire ants down here! I think the devil has fire ants! He really does! And they make you on FIRE!


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One night during the ever present struggle to get her to bed:

Mom: Hailey, it is time for bed!

Hailey: NO!

Dad: You don't ever tell your Mom or Dad "no"!

Hailey: (In her sweetest voice) No please!

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Trying on her new shoes for cousin Mirabel's dance party:

Hailey: At Mira's party I am totally gonna ROCK OUT!

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One day while we were driving by the airport:

Hailey: Mom? Have you ever been on a plane?

Mom: Yes.

Hailey: Was I born?

Mom: No.

Hailey: Was I in your belly?

Mom: No, not yet.

Hailey: Oh, you mean I was still with God.

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One of Hailey's favorite past times these days is to play "castle". We have played castle at least a hundred and sixty three times in the past week.

I totally cracked up the other day when she made the people of the castle go hunting for the treasure chest that goes with it.

She had the prince and made him say to the other people, "Come on guys - let's go find our cache!"

It was so funny to me how she related the treasure to the treasure hunting aspect of geocaching. Her daddy would be so proud!

Sunday

We were getting our coats on to leave for church this morning and I asked Hailey if she was going to go to "kid church" or sit with me in "grown up church".

Hailey - I think I will go to kid church, but I am a little nervous. Maybe I will miss you.

Mommy - You won't be there long enough to miss me. Besides I won't be far away - I will be in the next room.

Hailey - You mean the room where God is?

Mommy - God is in all the rooms. He is everywhere.

Hailey - I mean not the REAL God. The pretend God.

Mommy - You mean the pastor?

Hailey - Yeah, the pastor.

Mommy - Yes, I will be in the room with the pastor.

Hailey - I think I will go to kid church with my brothers then.

Because they make me smile

I got the new chair that I ordered from Target today. I love it. The boys had a half day of school today. As I type they are down in the basement playing puppet theatre with the box the chair came in. We have a whole night of freedom ahead of us. I have two photo shoots this weekend. I am happy today.

I have had a piece of paper sitting by my computer where I have been jotting down things that the kids have said that made me chuckle or smile in the last few weeks.

Here they are in no particular order:

While getting Hailey dressed in the morning and putting a pair of sweatpants on her I told her she was lucky because she was able to wear her "soft pants" (what Evan calls sweatpants). She told me "They are not soft pants. They are running pants. I like to run in them".

While Evan and Hailey were reminiscing about our "Elf on the Shelf" Springle, Hailey recalled how he would climb up to perch on different pieces of furniture in our house. Evan told her "He doesn't CLIMB Hailey! He just POOFS where he wants to go!"

Hailey opening up her hot dog place take out container - "Yea! They gave me a Yo-Yo!" It was actually an Oreo.

Hailey standing at the top of the stairs while she was supposed to be napping and announcing to me in a stern voice "I QUIT to go to bed!"

Hailey who in the past has been plagued with bouts of constipation after going to the bathroom. "Mom! My poop didn't hurt my butt! I think because my body likes root beer!"

Lately Hailey has been remembering and missing her Grama Lyn who passed away a couple of years ago. I told her that even though she couldn't see Grama, she would always be in her heart. She asked me "But how can she fit in there and what if I fall and crush her?"

Hailey's newest bedtime stall trick is to ask me or her Daddy after we have read her books "Will you just hang out with me for a while?" It is so cute it is hard to say no.

The other night after I had tucked the kids in I noticed that Evan's door was open and he likes to have it shut. I walked in there and found Evan sound asleep and Hailey sitting next to his bed on a chair. I asked her "What are you doing in here? Doov is asleep!" To which she replied "I was just telling him the story of Beauty and the Beast - I think he will really love it."

Yesterday morning I called Hailey into the dining room to look outside at the beautiful pink clouds and sky during the morning sunrise. She gasped and said "Oh Mom - it is like we live in Pinkalicious land."

Perhaps we should rethink all the Wii hunting games?

The kids love to watch birds at our bird feeder. I don't what it is, but lately we seem to have an abundance of different birds feeding at the feeder or hanging out on our deck rails.

Yesterday while the kids were eating lunch, I spotted this cardinal and told the kids to quietly but quickly come over to the window to see. They tip toed over to the door as quiet as PB & J eating little mice. Oohed and aahed over how beautiful the bird was and then Evan looked at me with a smirk on his face and asked "Can I shoot it?"
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I haven't posted anything in so long. We have been so busy and there is just no end in sight. My main time taker the past week or so has been digging through toys and junk for our garage sale this weekend. I am very proud of the kids because they are letting us sell A LOT of their toys. Well, the toys are in the garage at least - I will get back to you on how many actually stay out there!

Only

My only daughter and my only tulip. (Thanks to the deer and other animals that enjoy feasting on the buds of my beautiful spring flowers.)

When I was getting Hailey dressed, I pulled this sweatshirt on her and when she realized that the thing on her head was the hood part of the shirt she asked me "Why am I wearing Doovy's shirt?" I was amazed that her three year old brain was observant enough to recognize that hoodie sweatshirts are Evan's upper body cover of choice. I told her that it wasn't Doovy's it was hers. She laughed and said "Silly Hailey! I think I look like Doovy in this shirt though!"

Out of the mouths of babes (and tweeners)

This morning while I was getting Hailey dressed.

Mommy: This shirt is getting small for you. Let me check the tag to see what size it is. (Checks tag) It's a 2T. No wonder it is a bit small.

Hailey: What does "T" mean?

Mommy: It means "toddler". This shirt fits a two year old toddler and it is too small for you because you are a three year old toddler.

Hailey: I not toddler! I am Hailey!



Spencer came into the kitchen today while I was making dinner and said "Mom, can you help me on the computer for a second? I need to google something."

Seriously! Wasn't it yesterday that he was still wearing diapers and sitting in a high chair?

During a morning snuggle...

Setting: Hailey and Mommy snuggling in bed watching Dora the Explorer.


Hailey: (sad sounding) That little animal misses his Mommy.

Mommy: Poor little guy! I bet they will find his Mommy though.

Hailey: I really love my Mommy!

Mommy: You do? Who is your Mommy?

Hailey: Mommy.

Mommy: But, WHO is your Mommy?

Hailey: Aunt Jenny.

Somewhere Ronald and the King are smiling.

Evan decided that he would like to have his peanut butter and jelly on a roll rather than bread today. I have no idea why he called it a "roll" since I usually call them "buns", but I am all for mixing it up a bit - so I granted his request.

Hailey took one look at Evan's lunch and scrunched her face up in disgust and said in her new-bordering-on-sassy voice, "Peanut butter and jelly on a hamburger?"

I don't know if it was the way she said it or what, but Evan and I belly laughed about it for a long time.


Blog note: I hope to get back to more regular posting soon, but I am in the middle of my two weeks of single mommyness. I can barely manage to do everything I have to do, let alone anything that I want to do. Eight more days....eight more days....eight more days.....

Princess Pinkeye

Doesn't she just look miserable?

I was trying to photograph the kids for an ad in the program of Trent's show. I snapped this one quickly of Hailey to check the lighting. Later that day when I was reviewing them on the computer she saw this one and told me "You can't use that one for Daddy's school....my ninnies are hangin' out!"

Pizza Crust Makeover

My Grama J always used to tell us to eat the crusts off of our sandwiches because it would make our hair curly. I find myself repeating many of the mantras told to me in my youth to my own children - the crust theory being one of them. Most of the time the kids respond to me by saying they are not going to eat it because they don't want their hair to be curly.

Last night the kids were eating pizza for dinner and Evan kept shoving his pizza crusts over the counter at me.

Mom: Evan! Stop pushing your crusts at me! I don't want them!

Evan: I am giving them to you so you can eat them and they will make your hair curly. Then all the boys will think you are HOT!

I guess I better plug in those hot rollers I found in my bathroom closet!