February

I have probably mentioned this before, but when I was working (in an actual office) I used to loathe the month of January.  It was right after the hub hub of the holidays and it was such a long month with no holiday time off in the foreseeable future until Memorial Day.  When you are staring at a desk calendar every day,  January to May seems like an eternity.

The birth of Hailey on the ninth of January sort of endeared the month to me.  It is now one of my favorite three months of the year.   With her birthday coming up right on the heels of Christmas break - the first half of January goes by in a blink. 

So here we are on the first of February and I see I made a whopping two posts so far this year.  I don't know what my problem is, I just haven't felt like writing.   Yes, we have had a lot going on - we always do - but not so much that I can't take fifteen minutes or a half hour and update this thing.   I have taken pictures of the kids playing in the snow and pictures of the silly things they do, but I haven't had the motivation.  I am going to try to get better about it.

I am a little bit stressed about this month.  Evan goes in for surgery next Friday to remove the chalazion from his eyelid.  I know it is a minor thing, but the thought of him having to be put under sort of freaks me out.  I don't think his recovery will be a major thing, but I worry about him having a scar under his eye.  Should I have had a consult with a plastic surgeon?  Should I have just waited to see if it would eventually go away on its own?  Now that I am T minus seven days in counting, I am starting to second guess my decisions a little bit.

Added to that stress is the fact that Hailey went in to her well check today.  I knew she still had the irregular heart beat sometimes because every once in a while I listen to her heart as we are snuggling.  She had the EKG last year and it came back in the "normal" range.  When I asked him about it today, I expected he would just tell me not to worry about it, but instead he told me that he recommends she wears a holter monitor to record her beats for a day or so and he also thinks we should take her to a pediatric cardiologist just to make sure it is all right. 

I know I am lucky because my kids are generally very healthy and always have been and heaven knows there are kids dealing with illness that I can't even imagine, but I can't help but feel that I want all this medical drama over with.  In my gut I feel that Hailey is fine.  Trent suffers from an irregular heart beat as well and the doctor said that it most likely was an inherited thing and that she would be fine and live with it without complication.  I know in my gut that Evan will sail through his procedure like the trooper that he always is.  My gut knows these things to be true - if only my gut could convince my brain to stop coming up with the "what ifs".