Two

Dear Hailey,

This evening at 7:22 you will officially be two years old. I remember Evan's second birthday vividly - mostly because that was the day that we found out that I was pregnant with you. It was one of my best days ever -to be able to celebrate the birth of my one of my sons and know that soon we would be blessed with another child to love.

The fact that it is now your second birthday seems almost surreal to me because I feel like there is no way that you can be that age already. A lot of it is due to the fact that you still seem much younger to me. You still don't have much hair. You still don't talk much. You still seem to cry and whine more than I think you should. If I found out today that I was pregnant again I honestly don't know how joyful the tears would be. You are a handful at two years, where as I think your brother was much more mature and laid back.

Spencer has been very protective of you from the first day you came home.


It is hard to believe that Evan is only about 9 months older than you are now in this picture. Look at his binker!

I do notice the changes in you though sometimes not on a daily basis. Often they will just hit me like a ton of bricks and suddenly I look at you through eyes other than those of your mother's and think to myself how grown up and smart you are. You are starting to verbalize a ton more, and I can't believe how much you understand and comprehend.

You are starting to be a bit of a "girly -girl" which I have to admit makes me happy. I am all for tomboys, but I am sure that phase will come later. You are amazingly good at putting on shoes - yours and anyone else's. You were so excited to see Santa and had a fit until we put on your fancy black shiny shoes. Only the best for the big guy! Gramma brought you some bead necklaces and you love to wear them around and call yourself "pretty". You get very excited when it is time to get dressed in the morning. I haven't let you start to pick out your own clothes yet, but maybe soon. I am sure the fights we will have about "what not to wear" will be some for the record books. Your brothers never cared one bit about clothes or what they wear and still don't. I am curious to see how you feel about that issue.

You are still a bottomless pit when it comes to food. Whatever someone is eating - you want a bite. I swear you have some sort of sixth sense about when the pantry door is open. When it is, you are there digging for something else to eat. Heaven help us when you figure out how to open up doors.

I look at you sometimes and still wonder how you can belong to us. How that dark little baby I gave birth to has grown into this light hair, blue eyed, cherub face girl? You have the ability to charm everyone that you meet. The parent's at Evan's school get the biggest kick out of watching you walk down the hall and are always commenting on your smile and how adorable you are. Just today while celebrating your birthday out for lunch, a man in the restaurant that you had been "flirting" with walked over to tell me how cute you were and how he would not hear anything his wife would be talking to him about because he would be too busy looking at you. Heaven help us when you start to get boy crazy!

I remember a night shortly after you were born. Daddy and Spencer had gone to work at the K of C's fish fry. I was home with you and Evan. Evan had gone to bed like a champ as he always did. You were in a typical newborn fussy time. I remember that nothing I did could soothe you. I had to walk around the house with you in my arms, bouncing and shushing the whole time. I remember I kept thinking to myself that this would not last forever. That you would soon grow out of this phase and that I should just enjoy the time I had with you in my arms while I could. I am sure in the reasonable place in my mind I knew that to be true, but in the recently gave birth, hormonal, overtired mess place in my mind - I was not really believing myself. I kept walking you by the front window, praying that I would see Dad's car coming down the road so that he could take over in the soothing duties for a bit and when it wasn't there I would have to fight back my tears of frustration and sheer exhaustion.

Two years later I know that your fussy phase was temporary and most of the fussy nights, I can not even remember. Today I have your clinginess that I have to talk myself down from. I know that this too will be fleeting and someday I will not even recall why I let it bother me so much. But to have a toddler hanging from my legs and screaming while I try to make a phone call or use the bathroom, on some days it gets to be too much and I can feel the tears of frustration starting to well up. I just have to keep telling myself that this too shall pass. The "terrible two's" will not last forever.

I can see us fourteen years from now when you are getting your driver's license. I can see us sixteen years from now when you are graduating from high school. Twenty something years from now on your wedding day. On those days I know that I will also be fighting back tears. Tears of joy for your amazing accomplishments and triumphs, but inside my heart will be fighting back tears of loss - loss of my baby girl. I know that on those days and so many more to come I will be thinking to myself..."Why couldn't she stay little forever?"

Happy Birthday to my beautiful baby girl! I will love you forever!

Mommy