Nobody said it was easy

I am at the end of my rope these days dealing with the grades of my high school sophomore.  The rope was frayed to begin with so I am barely hanging on. The grades are not good.  They are basically the opposite of good.  They are getting "invited" to attend parent teacher conferences for the first time in your parenting life for two teachers not good.  I woke up this morning dreading this week because of the never ending saga that plays out daily on his grade portal. 

I don't know how to make him care. 

He is smart.  He has never had to work at school to do well.  He has sailed through school with mostly A's and a few B's.  His first year in high school he had a four point average until the last trimester when it fell to a three point nine.  This year is bad.  This year is going to undo all the good that he has done and I don't know what to do about it.

He has two advanced classes and he doesn't know how to study for them. Because he has never had to study or read something on his own and be tested on a topic that the teacher hasn't even touched upon in class.  Not to mention - he doesn't want to.  He has never been a self motivator and if I didn't believe it before I now know it to be true.  The worst part is that in talking with his two teachers about the issues ( two teachers he really likes by the way) they say he is just not trying at all.  They have talked to him about putting in one hundred percent effort and he promises to do it and then totally flakes.  If he won't listen to teachers why would he listen to us?

I am full of frustration and anger toward him because it is not that hard to put in the effort.  I am full of frustration and anger at myself for agreeing that he could register for the advanced classes.  Sure his last years teachers raved about what a great student he was.  How smart he was.  How he really needed to be in AP classes.  We beamed with pride at the the time but there was the pit in my stomach saying - should he really- they don't know his work ethic - but they are teachers, they must know what they are talking about.  Forgetting for a second that teachers are human and don't always know the whole story and will make mistakes. 

I know that he is smart enough to be successful in school, even in the advanced classes.  He just has to work at it.  He just can't get to that place.  It is another one of those hard places in parenting where you are caught between your role and your past.  I certainly didn't ace through school with a four point average.  I couldn't count the number of times my mom told me that I really needed to apply myself.  I never really put in the effort she desired  but my grades got me by and my educational life all turned out good. Now the tables have turned and I realize exactly how my mom must have felt. 

So I keep pushing and praying and grasping at the frays.