I remember a day right about this time last year when I was driving home from running some errands and the song "Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas" came on the radio. As I do with most Christmas songs, I started singing out loud without much thought to the words when I heard the line "next year all our troubles will be miles away" come out of my mouth. And I lost it - I was bawling in my car while driving down the road.
My emotions were raw to begin with. It was just after the Newtown tragedy which had hit me hard. My Dad was in his final rounds of chemo fighting his cancer battle. The sentiment at first sounds great but if you really think about it, who are we to say how much better off we will be at any time in the future? I knew in my heart the families in Newtown would not feel like their troubles were far away the next year at that time - if anything they would feel awful - missing their loved ones. My heart hoped that my Dad would be chemo and cancer free at Christmas time next year, but there is always the little voice that goads you into thinking - what if he is not here at all?
I have so much fun Christmas stuff to post and I hate coming on here and being a big downer, but sometimes this helps me work through things. My Uncle who last year at this time thought he was fine; is nearing the end of his battle with aggressive cancer. My family is facing the reality right now that unless a miracle occurs, next year he will not be with us at Christmas.
So my thought is to not look forward to next year. Enjoy THIS year and the people you share it with and try to make the best of the circumstances you are given. This life we are given is fragile. There are no guarantees that the people we love will be with us for the time we feel is sufficient to love them. Love them every day, every minute, every precious chance you get.
Belle and some goats
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